I’m Just Me

Posted: March 4, 2011 in About Me

Something I’d like to admit: It nauseates me when people compliment me. My stomach churns. It is flattering, true, but my body does not like it. I am, perhaps, still in the process of learning to accept myself as who I am.

Back in the 9th grade, attention from my new classmates was important to me. And I prayed to God every night for a fairytale romance.
I never really got too much attention from the opposite sex up until now. I’ve always been plump and a little too much of a Miss Know-It-All for any guy my age to even want to pay attention to me. So basically, I’ve been a shy kid who doesn’t know how to accept compliments from anyone, let alone the opposite sex.

One day, about two years ago, my mother looked at me and my outfit and remarked out of the blue, “If a boy says you’re looking good, you’ve got to smile and say thank you. Accept it gracefully.” I just looked at her. Who’d want to compliment ME? The fat geek who is on the verge of developing Asperger’s syndrome?
It’s her way of saying things like that–suddenly and when they’re absolutely unexpected. And I have grown to appreciate it.

Back then, the guys in my new class all thought I was ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’ and a ‘wannabe’. Not just them, many of the pretty, popular girls thought so, too. Naturally, I used to think I was a sore loser and a freak of nature. But after school, it all changed. My priorities shifted from wanting to be wanted to wanting to be successful. It didn’t matter so much what I looked like.
And though I still remain kind of plump, I am not as ‘fat’ (crude term) as before.
It was a real litmus test, though, to see who liked me for who I am, ‘fat’, ‘geeky’, ‘ugly’, whatever people said I was. And I am glad for the people who care for me so much even now. (They know who I’m talking about) 🙂
I see so many beautiful, confident women around me every day and I wish I was like them. I am still in possession of some of my insecurities, you see.
But I am happy. My face has grown into something I daresay I’m proud of. It has my mother’s sharply angled jaw and striking smile, my father’s upturned nose and twinkling, narrow eyes. I get complimented a lot, and I am glad of it. 🙂

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Comments
  1. You are just you.That’s why you started this blog,right?To paint a portrait of yourself so that the world can see you without any looking glass in between?Just you?
    We all have insecurities,I’m sure you know that I have my own,after reading that post of mine.We just deal with them.And the thing is,we have a choice.Deal with them alone,or with someone else.What choice will you make?
    I didn’t realise that every time I compliment you,you feel uneasy.Sorry 😦

    Well,if the view of a new friend who you haven’t even met or talked to counts,the I say that you ARE one of the many beautiful and confident women we see every day.Your writings alone prove my point 🙂 (Yup,even I try to be an insufferable know it all,as Severus Snape puts it :P)
    Hope you get complimented a lot,and hope you get treated the way you deserve to be 🙂

  2. smartie94 says:

    Yeah, true.
    I don’t know. I’m good by myself.
    It’s ok! 🙂

    Haha, thank u!

  3. Hah. It is nice that you are getting used to compliments and now know how to tackle them. But tread with caution, some folks get addicted to compliments and soon enough get upset if they aren’t been showered with gold flakes everytime they breathe or something :D.

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