Insane: Part 2

Posted: March 4, 2011 in Stories

Here’s Part 1 and Part 3

It has been four months already and my preparation is going along well. I do not black out any more, which is a good thing. Because when I do, I end up hurting myself or the people around me, imagining they were her. I must thank the doctors for eradicating my blackouts. They were dark periods of time, and I never remembered anything when I woke up from them.

I don’t see my Gnomes so often, either. The doctors made me stop seeing them. I miss them, too. They were my friends. At first, I used to get very scared of them. I didn’t know where they came from and why they were looking at me.

I just call them Gnomes because I don’t know what they really are. They could be pixies, dwarves, I don’t know. They are just little people who I can have amicable conversations about Rishi with. They always listen to me, and I like them for that.

They sent a nurse home with me so that I could set my things up. I am going to be living with my mother for a while. My mother was so happy to see me home. I act normal with her, of course.

And all this while, I am preparing.

I am sitting in my room now when the Feelings come to me once again, and I greet them like an old friend.

She sits at her table, engrossed in the work she has got home to finish. It is time for dinner, and she knows he will come and try to distract her again. This is due the next day, and she needs to finish.

He came up to her. “You know what?”

She got irritated. “What now, Rishi?”

“I love you.”

All this while, I just stand there and watch. A short memory, but one of the most painful Feelings ever. I would cry and cry when this one came to me. He always made me laugh, no matter how upset I was. I laugh at these memories, too, sometimes. It now seems silly how cranky I was about it all. I have nothing to worry about. I am going to take revenge, after all. He is still mine, and only mine.

I hope he has not married her. I will not appreciate having to go over the same thing twice.

The other day, I hesitantly asked my mother how Rishi was. She gave me one of her Looks that I knew so well and told me that she does not know, and that I must never ask again. I am not known for my obedience, so it did not really matter what she said.

I have to go to the market today. The doctors have said it is good for me to go out of my house and lead a normal life. Semi-normal, they meant. You must read between the lines. The doctors never say it straight.

I step out of the house at 4.12 pm. It is hot outside. The marketplace is not very far away, so I walk it till there. Not many people know me or recognize me in this part of town, and I am glad. No rude questions.

I buy what my mother told me to and start walking back. But then I see quite a strange sight. One of my Gnomes. It has followed me to the marketplace. It is one of the big, friendly, ones whom I haven’t seen in forever. I am surprised and I ask it what it is here for. It walks over to a wooden bench not far from where I am standing, and beckons me to come and sit. I come and sit beside it.

“The bazaar is so boring, isn’t it?” I tell it, “I don’t even know anyone.”

The Gnome shakes its head and stares into the strange crowd. Why did it do that? I look at the unfamiliar faces, too.

But the Gnome is right.  One face in the crowd looks familiar. I strain my neck to get a closer look. He is with a friend….a male friend. He is walking to the parking lot and laughing about something. His smile snaps something inside my head. And the Feelings come back again, too strongly, too rapidly.

It is a hot summer evening and they are sitting at a tiny, poorly lit restaurant. He has invited here. She is still upset about the Day. She feels like she is losing it. She knows it is foolish to expect an apology, going by the way he has behaved over the last two days. She does not want to hear anything worse from him as she knows she will not be able to survive. She does not like the oily waiter who has come to take their order and snaps at him to go away.

And Rishi says, “See, Meghna, what I brought you here to tell you is that we cannot be together any more. It will just not work. I have found my happiness somewhere else, you see. There is no better way to put this. I’m in love…real, deep love…but with someone else. With Aarti. I’m sorry I led you into this. It was quite unfortunate, the way things have turned out…it’s not you, it’s me.” And he smiles. As if she is not worthy enough for that apology.

She is livid. Her body is shaking violently. She stands up to say something. Give him a piece of her mind in front of the other diners, perhaps. But she does not know what to do, for she sees the ground swimming beneath her feet. It then opens up under her. She can see a black chasm. For a moment, she is floating. But gravity prevails and she falls into the blackness.

And I fall in with her.

  1. Wow,absolutely wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Okay, I kinda overdid the exclamation marks, but still, I’m equally spellbound!!! Memories do have the nasty habit of hitting you like a freight train when you think it’s just light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunate that she had to be in the baazar, trying to lead a “semi normal life” as you put it. What do the gnomes signify? Do they play a role? Are they her subconscious? I’m thrilled to read more 😀 😀
    What will she do, where will she go, what happens to Rishi?
    And you know the best part? Reading this, I realised that there are two sides to the same story. Even girls fall in love sincerely with a guy, but guys too end up hurting the girls badly. I’ve just had experience of the reciprocal 😛
    Anyway, you HAVE to get this published somewhere!!!!
    I’m gonna share this post on my fb wall, I want my friends to read this!!! 😀

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